Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize