omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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