I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
