FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
