I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
