Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
