My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
