He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
