I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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