I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
