So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
