so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
