New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
