if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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