omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
