turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
