Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
