Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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