I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
