My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
