You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
