New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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