I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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