I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
