and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
wow bdsm is so cute
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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