I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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