this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
