Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hippo gnu deer
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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