The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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