long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize