she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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