Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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