i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
