He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
