These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
