just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
