Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
