Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
