new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
