Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
