SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
