My friends, they love my intelligence
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
