I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
