oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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