My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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