where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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