You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
