This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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