then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
this just has baby written all over it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
