My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
