these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
