so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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