Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
