I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
