There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize