What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
