I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize