Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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