i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
