i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
vagina is talking i cant
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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