i think i have herpe
just one?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
