hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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