What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize