The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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