mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
