So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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