he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
