I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize