Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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