i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
