farters have to be the big spoon...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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