i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize