so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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