He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
