i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
