Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
