I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
