i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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