Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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