it was like his penis was on wheels.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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