That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize