Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
