when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
