That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
