I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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