i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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