Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
