She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
