its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
