I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
