I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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