Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
