Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
