I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no you cant smoke seaweed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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