Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
