bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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