Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
