i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
