Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
