You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize