Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
