my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
