New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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