everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
